Moving on

Moving on is hard in so many ways, especially when moving on from a loved one. I was in love. I had it all. So I thought I was happy. I was free and I was comfortable for the first time in a long time. I had a friend and I had a companion and I had a boyfriend. He was Good. He was smart, spontaneous, funny, sarcastic, had a smile that could light up the whole room. I felt like the most beautiful person in the world. He made me feel beautiful in my skin.  He made me laugh harder than I have ever laughed. He was my first love, and he was my first in a lot of ways. Truthfully, I don’t know where it went wrong, or where I went downhill, or where we lost connection. I went into a deep depression to be honest and it was hard. Being in a relationship, of course, there’s going to be intimacy. And that brought out so many good things but it also brought out things I push deep, deep down and locked away. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and that’s not easy to say. You go through a lot physically and mentally being sexually abused, but you also go through a lot being intersex and trans with your body image with your insecurities and then with society on top of that. I have insecurities like everybody else. I have things I want to change, I have stretch marks. I have acne. I have bruises and I have scars. But all mountains have cracks and holes but it’s still standing at the end. The relationship ended with the both parties agreeing it was the end. It wasn’t a fight. It wasn’t that I got broken up with, or he didn’t get broken up with. We broke up with each other we decided and agreed that our roads weren’t going on the same path anymore and that’s OK. Some days I feel like I’m on top of the world. And then some days I remember the great memories we had, and his smile, and the way he made me feel, and I miss him. I’m healing and changing and growing. And I got to move on. A part of me is sad about moving on and letting go. I have to climb the mountain to see the view.  I’m on the path of healing. It’s not easy, it’s not hard, it’s a journey like anything else. But I am not alone. I am loved. I am cared for. I am strong. I am proud of my scars and my bruises. I am proud to be the woman I am today. So in the end break ups are hard. Break ups change you. You find love again and you begin a new you. Write a new chapter in this book we call life and that’s what I’m going to do. But if you’re reading this, I love you. And I’ll always love you and thank you for all the wonderful times. I wish you all the best.  I hope we can be friends. It’s not easy but life is a journey. ~ Gean

Labels to fit me

Sometimes it’s hard to find the right labels to fit me so other people can understand who I am. Society is always trying to put you in groups, or stick you under some label. I go back-and-forth with identifying as trans or intersex and I do that because not a lot of people know about intersex. I feel like saying trans will be easier for them to get it.

Intersex is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. Individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals.

I’m a girl with xxy chromosomes and ovaries but no other female reproductive organs.

Sometimes it’s hard. People are always wanting to find the right label to fit them so other people can understand them but I believe you don’t need a label to know who you are and you don’t need to label yourself for other people. Live your life in love and happiness , grow and change because life is so beautiful and it’s about the journey not the destination or where you start. I am a strong woman and I know who I am. You should be proud of who you are. ~ Gean

This is me

It’s 2019 and for years I’ve been so afraid of making my story public on social media or to anyone that doesn’t know me personally. However, I’m finally at a place in my life where i love who I am and how far i have come. I’m intersex and being intersex has given me a life much more difficult but in many more ways wonderful then I thought it would. I’ve finally come to a place of peace and true happiness in myself. I’m sorry to anyone that I’ve upset from this, I wish I could have been open from the start, but no one (unless you’re intersex / trans) could truly understand what it’s like to live a day in our lives. I really hope that anyone I may have offended/ hurt finds it in their hearts to forgive me, this has been one of the hardest things to overcome personally. Anyway, it now out there, unfollow me if you wish or you can keep up with my crazy wonderful journey of being a proud intersex woman. I love you all! 💕