Feeling lost

In life, you can feel lost at times for a little bit or for a long while and it can be frustrating. Feeling lost can be the result of a lot of things and being lost is not always bad. I’m lost at this time in my life because of coming out of a break up. Break ups are hard on everyone, not just one person. You have a right to feel sad, mad, lost, and forgotten. My feelings are so all over the place because it was the first time I was in love. I fell hard and loved even harder.  I opened my heart and my life to someone and I let my walls down for the first time with a guy.  And that was one of the hardest things to do. While in the relationship I was happy, loved, and free.  But I was always learning more about myself at the time too. The relationship was beautiful and loving and a wonderful one I will hold in my heart forever. You may be wondering what happened.  Well, in relationships you grow and learn from each other and sometimes the roads you take don’t end up going in the same direction anymore. At the time I was in a relationship I was going though a lot with my mom having cancer and learning things about myself. College was coming up and so much more. I felt lost at times. I felt I wasn’t good enough or my best self and that’s not a good place to be in because it’s depressing, hard, and sad. So I asked for a break but the break ended up being a break up and to me that was a little surprising, but like I said it’s not just about one person. He had a lot going on too with work and time, and his own things to work on. I support that I’m here for him I want nothing but the best for him in life. I was sad and mad and heartbroken because it ended so fast and I fought for him but in the end I was the only one fighting and I had to let go. I am still letting go.  It’s hard, but it is life. Because climbing the mountain will be a journey and sometimes you will fall.  But trust me when I say I’m getting back up again and making it to the top because life’s a climb but the view is worth it. Life is a mountain that we are climbing in different ways and on the way to the top we go on different journeys with people, friends, and family but in the end we always make it to the top stronger and as our best selves to see the view.
I feel free, I feel loved, I feel happy. Most of all I found self love.  I forgive and I heal.  Life is long and beautiful so I am ready for more adventure.

~ Gean

Labels to fit me

Sometimes it’s hard to find the right labels to fit me so other people can understand who I am. Society is always trying to put you in groups, or stick you under some label. I go back-and-forth with identifying as trans or intersex and I do that because not a lot of people know about intersex. I feel like saying trans will be easier for them to get it.

Intersex is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. Individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals.

I’m a girl with xxy chromosomes and ovaries but no other female reproductive organs.

Sometimes it’s hard. People are always wanting to find the right label to fit them so other people can understand them but I believe you don’t need a label to know who you are and you don’t need to label yourself for other people. Live your life in love and happiness , grow and change because life is so beautiful and it’s about the journey not the destination or where you start. I am a strong woman and I know who I am. You should be proud of who you are. ~ Gean