What’s the meaning of this thing we call life?

Do you ever just have those long thoughts about why and how? Well, I do all the time, and I started wondering about how life is going now and how it was.  But it wasn’t always like this. You see, I have had a long journey from such a young age. I have experienced the good and the bad through many different eyes which not a lot of people get to do. There are 3 things I have seen that have opened my eyes in different ways. Number 1 was Happiness (remember blog of January 30, 2019).

Another of them is love, and love is a big word that can mean so much. You can love things, people, or even a time of day. I believe that love is unconditional and can spread far and wide over distance and time, but sometimes it’s harder to feel it than to say it.  As a kid I was told I was loved but I did not feel it. To me it was like oil on top of water. I knew how love felt. My cousin, who was my buddy, showed me unconditional love. She was as bright as they come. No one’s perfect but I looked up to her because she saw the world and people with eyes of love. No judgment, just love. At one point in my life I asked the person from whom I never felt love growing up if they really loved me and the answer was, “I do, but in my own way.”  It was years later I realized that she did love me the best she could for who I am.  But that’s the thing, some people see or even know love like it has a limit, or it doesn’t fit in some places. I believe love has no limitations or bounds.  It is unconditional. Thank you to the family and friends who love me for who I and and have shown me what unconditional love feels and looks like.  For that I will always treasure . I feel loved now. I know what it means to me. I love my mom, sister and my family who knows me for me, and I want to thank my amazing boyfriend for showing me love has no labels and that I do deserve love no matter what. I know how I plan to show and share my love with the world.

Goodbye 2018

They say that whatever you do on New Year’s Day you’ll be doing the rest of the year.

They also say that black-eyed peas and cornbread ensure good luck for the upcoming year.

Not sure if I believe in the second one, but just in case there is a grain of truth to the old wive’s tales, I’ve made an effort to comply.  Can’t stomach black-eyed peas, but BBQ pork & beans slow cooked with maple bacon and hamburger over corn chips just might do the trick.  We’ll see how this year goes, and add some chili powder next New Year’s.  Maybe the idea is to clear out your colon, you know, kind of a symbolic sweeping out of the past year’s bad luck.

I discovered a lot about skin care in December.  Did you know that spray foam designed to insulate those nasty cracks beneath your exterior doors does not smooth over the cracks in your skin.  Don’t even ask about my nails.   I ended up leaving lot’s of  Hansel and Gretel type crumbs of hardened foam all through the house as I frantically searched for any type of chemical that would dissolve or soften this yellow crap.  Dish soap, bleach, insecticide, Lysol, Murphy’s oil, kerosene – none worked.   Acetone, yes!  Didn’t have any.  Ended up scouring most of this off with a wire dish scrubber.

And lo and behold, within days, Daughter #1 send me the most glorious gift of all!  A Revlon Paraffin hand bath.   Oh, the wonder!  The delight!  I have never had my hands and feet waxed before!  The rest of me still looks old and decrepit, but my hands and feet look 20 years younger.  Not to be outdone, Baby girl gave me a mani and a pedi and painted my nails.  She also threw a mask on my face,  so now my face only looks 10 years older than my hands.  But she also gave me an aromatherapy necklace so at least I can be all zen about the disparity of ages among my body parts.

She’s a sly one, she is, Baby Girl.  Eager for us to pursue the after Xmas sales.  Says she needs new clothes.  What?  Why?  She has an entire second bedroom up there dedicated to her wardrobe, shoes, make up and jewelry.  One look told me I have apparently had all of my upstairs re-carpeted during the past six months.  A second look told me the new carpet was her entire wardrobe, tried on and casually discarded, covering the entire floor.  After a short but sweet come to Jesus moment, it was decided that there will be no new clothes until my carpet is back to it’s original condition.  That was two weeks ago.  I’m afraid to look.

I love my daughters.  I love my son.  And that kind of brings me back to the original statement of this story.  How do I spend the first day of the new year?  How to make it symbolic of what I want and hope for this year?  Like everyone else, I want love, peace, happiness, joy, and acceptance for everyone.  And I want some for me too.  I’ve ridden the waves of love and hate, anger and remorse, joy and depression for years.   It’s the human thing to do, and I don’t truly think this is going to change.

I spent today remembering that as I love, I need to spread the love.  Every day. Unconditionally.  Today, I did not clean house, I did not pay bills, nor did I worry about where the next dollar came from.   I slept late, cooked a yummy meal for my loved ones (thank you,  Penzeys Spices).  Watched the winter birds forage for food.  Fed the feral cats.  Watered the plants.  Held my daughter’s hand, and smoothed the soft fur of my sweet cat and dog family.  Prayed for my family, my friends and neighbors, and all peoples of this world.   Prayed for the peace of this world and all of her creation.

I held peace in my heart today, and prayed that I may hold it there all this next year.

And that’s what I did on the first day of this New Year.

 

~ Gean’s Mom