What’s the meaning of this thing we call life?

Do you ever just have those long thoughts about why and how? Well, I do all the time, and I started wondering about how life is going now and how it was.  But it wasn’t always like this. You see, I have had a long journey from such a young age. I have experienced the good and the bad through many different eyes which not a lot of people get to do. There are 3 things I have seen that have opened my eyes in different ways. Number 1 was Happiness (remember blog of January 30, 2019).

Another of them is love, and love is a big word that can mean so much. You can love things, people, or even a time of day. I believe that love is unconditional and can spread far and wide over distance and time, but sometimes it’s harder to feel it than to say it.  As a kid I was told I was loved but I did not feel it. To me it was like oil on top of water. I knew how love felt. My cousin, who was my buddy, showed me unconditional love. She was as bright as they come. No one’s perfect but I looked up to her because she saw the world and people with eyes of love. No judgment, just love. At one point in my life I asked the person from whom I never felt love growing up if they really loved me and the answer was, “I do, but in my own way.”  It was years later I realized that she did love me the best she could for who I am.  But that’s the thing, some people see or even know love like it has a limit, or it doesn’t fit in some places. I believe love has no limitations or bounds.  It is unconditional. Thank you to the family and friends who love me for who I and and have shown me what unconditional love feels and looks like.  For that I will always treasure . I feel loved now. I know what it means to me. I love my mom, sister and my family who knows me for me, and I want to thank my amazing boyfriend for showing me love has no labels and that I do deserve love no matter what. I know how I plan to show and share my love with the world.

Labels to fit me

Sometimes it’s hard to find the right labels to fit me so other people can understand who I am. Society is always trying to put you in groups, or stick you under some label. I go back-and-forth with identifying as trans or intersex and I do that because not a lot of people know about intersex. I feel like saying trans will be easier for them to get it.

Intersex is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. Individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals.

I’m a girl with xxy chromosomes and ovaries but no other female reproductive organs.

Sometimes it’s hard. People are always wanting to find the right label to fit them so other people can understand them but I believe you don’t need a label to know who you are and you don’t need to label yourself for other people. Live your life in love and happiness , grow and change because life is so beautiful and it’s about the journey not the destination or where you start. I am a strong woman and I know who I am. You should be proud of who you are. ~ Gean

Finding the right ones

As a intersex woman, finding or getting into a relationship is a little hard at times. There are 4 types of guys I always come across. 
1.   The guy that just wants to experiment and find out what he wants, but in the meantime not really taking your feelings into consideration.
2.   The guy that wants you to be a secret or a down low relationship, and this guy is typically married or has a girlfriend. 
3.   The guy that views it as a fetish or thinks of you as a toy.
4.   Last but not least, the good guy. Now this guy is out there, but sometimes you can’t see him even if he is right in front of you.   
You’ve been though all the other guys so now you just believe all guys are the same. Or you have a really specific type.  That is all good, but nobody is perfect and you are probably never going to find the right guy that has 100% of everything you want and need. If you do find that guy he is either pretending or hiding something.
But… if you do find the ultimate guy of your dreams, good for you girl!  And like can you help a sister out here?  
I think everyone goes through challenges when getting or finding that person to connect with no matter the gender, race and so on.  Just at the end of the day, don’t sacrifice parts of yourself to get the guy, or try to make someone like you.   Because we are all perfect as we are no matter what.

Quotes of mine

“My eyes are the camera and my life is a movie. I’m going to make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Gean

“Life is too beautiful so just lay in the sun, drink lemonade, go skinny-dipping and live your life baby.” ~ Gean

“Sometimes your imagination lets you see what can’t be seen through the eyes of reality.”-Gean

“Art can teach everything from compassion to love..it can tell stories..memories..it can form the future —art, there is no explanation or title..it follows” -Gean

What’s the meaning of this Thing we call Life?

Do you ever just have those long thoughts about why and how? Well I do all the time, and I started wondering about how life is going and how it was.  But it wasn’t always like this. You see, I have had a long journey from such a young age. I have experienced the good and the bad through many different eyes which not a lot of people get to do. There are 3 things I have seen that have opened my eyes in different ways.

One of them is happiness and being truly happy can be hard to find sometimes. In my case I thought I was happy in a life that I had. But that’s all I knew so I guess that’s what I thought was happiness. Let me get into more detail. I didn’t realize what the feeling of happiness was until one day an angel came and saved me. Ever since I been with this angel, aka my mom, I’ve been happy each and every day I wake up in my bed. Happiness can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Some find happiness in things, like money or cars and more objects. Others find happiness in people and food or even drinks. I’m not saying that’s bad or anything. I like food—it’s so good!

 

But this is how I found true happiness and what’s funny is I had it all along. It was just the surroundings I was in that was shadowing the flower from the sun. Love found me in a wonderful family and mother who let my flower grow from a seed to stem and now into a bright and beautiful rose. See, all you need is right inside of you, but the surroundings may not be right. Some people travel to find happiness in themselves. Some people buy things to find happiness. In my case my family was the water to my soil and my mother was the sun to my growth. It’s been a wonderful and crazy journey but in the end the flower just needed its sun and some water to grow. But it was always there so just sometimes it takes longer to find it, but it’s always around, just hidden ready to be found…

 

(to be continued)

 

~Gean